i remember i was 11 and we went to Israel for a month with my family. i started blooming quite early and i will never forget how men there quite loudly and obviously expressed their interest. i was just 11. i was offered to try out as a model but my dad didn't let me. i was just 11. then i would turn away some other modeling offers in the future justifying it by the reason explained later.
since then i first tasted the flavor of erotic attraction. did i like it? yes. but my innocent and teasing vigor in my teen ages cost me some unpleasant and sometimes dangerous encounters which made me want to shut down my power, stop enjoying and hide. i blamed myself. because in the countries i lived at that time a woman was always a provocateur. only now i understand how much guilt i was bearing within me. sometimes i would feel guilty for being prettier than other girls and i would shrink inside. i always wanted to prove everyone that i was more than my looks which were not even my accomplishment. i wanted people to feel and see what hid behind this body. sometimes they saw and sometimes they didn't. for some reason i felt that showing off my body and looks was not cool. because i am more than my body i am smart, funny, extraordinary. but then i said: "fuck, no. i want to own my body and my looks and i can do whatever i want with them. it doesn't define the rest of me. i am proud of every part of it. i deserve it. my embodiment is my accomplishment. you can be sexy, pretty, you can post your seducing pics, you can wear mini skirts and bodycon dresses, you can do whatever you want and you can be smart, successful, powerful woman at the same time. i don't want to hide my power. i want my body to be free. i don't wanna feel shame or guilt". i want some men to stop spreading fear and guilt. i want some women to stop judging and slutshaming other women. i just want all of us to feel a little bit of more love and acceptance towards each other. amen.
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